However underneath that relationship was a struggle. I wasn’t being my true self and I even questioned if I wanted to get married. I really didn’t want to change my name; I have an awesome name.

Things seemed off for a while and out of the blue he just moved out, said he need space (after 9 years WTF) and before I knew it the wedding was cancelled, I was a single mom and going to work was a complete mind F*** because he was in reality my boss.

I spent the next few months getting up, dressing up and showing the world that I was just fine thank you. In fact, I was doing great. I walked the walk, talked the talk, showed up at that business and was (trying) to boss it. I was out partying with the girls, getting to the gym and working on my body, I needed to look good to get him back right. I wanted my little family back; I didn’t want to be alone.

Until I found out he had been having an affair for quite some time. That was breaking point for me not just the betrayal but the deceit, the lies and I felt such a fool.

This threw me into dating like I was on heat. I didn’t want to be alone; I wanted to show the world that what had happened was fine and that of course I will have a new man in a minute. I couldn’t understand why I was meeting guys who liked me, seemed like they had potential and then they would ghost me. How dare they. I went on all they dates but it was like I was a man repellent. What was wrong with me, I had so much going for me – except my low self-esteem and self-worth which was bringing me all the guys who either took advantage of that or were repelled instantly by my vibes.